Taylor Jenkins Reid
After I Do by Taylor Jenkins Reid
Released: July 1, 2014
Pages: 334
Publisher: Washington Square Press
Overall: 4/5
Plot: 3/5
Characters: 3/5
Setting & World-building: N/A
Emotional Investment: 5/5
"Just because you can live without someone doesn't mean you want to"
So I cried, and literally, no one is surprised. Taylor Jenkins Reid is the only author that has made me cry for every single one of her books, you go girl.
Quick Summary: What happens if you no longer love the man you married? You resent him and your entire marriage and seeing him every day makes your blood boil. Well, that has sadly become a reality for Lauren and Ryan. Two college sweethearts who were supposed to be happily married forever. But harsh feelings get in the way, and they decide to separate for a year. Just a year to learn about themselves and be ready to come back to their relationship. This one year is a time of healing and self-discovery for Lauren. So much so, that Lauren starts if she truly wants to stay in this marriage.
So my first introduction to Ms. Reid was through the book One True Loves (truly the best book I've read ever. It actually changed my life). This made me prepared for pain and crying, which I very much needed. Lauren and Ryan have reached a point in their marriage where they hate each other, but know they are supposed to love each other. It's painful and so heartbreaking. Especially when you read the chapters where it goes from how they met to the present day. Those chapters were written so well that like the gradual change from overwhelming love to overwhelming resentment kind of snuck up on you. But their decision to spend a year apart seemed to be the best option for them. And it definitely worked.
Lauren learns a lot about herself in this period. She becomes closer to her family and supports them in ways they have supported her for so long. She realizes that in her marriage she forgot to ask for the things she needed, that's why everything escalated so much. In their year apart, they do sleep with other people. I don't fully understand/support that (obviously because I've never been married and so I can't possibly imagine the feelings they are going through), but I think it was necessary for both parties. Also, they both read each other's saved email drafts, and first, when Lauren was trying to justify herself for reading his, I was mad at her. She kept just wanting someone to tell her that it was right, but it wasn't. Now it did help further the plot and Ryan did the same to her, so it was okay but I didn't love the invasion of privacy.
A big theme of this book was how love is a choice. You choose to work on your marriage and people who solely believe love is a feeling won't have long-lasting relationships because eventually, the feeling might disappear. And when that feeling disappears people jump to hatred. But I believe love is a choice. You love them even when you hate them (of course as long as the hate is for nothing like abuse because then leave). Like you are a whole person on your own and you could do it all alone, but you don't want to. Choosing that someone who is going to be the person with who you spend the rest of your days. Not because you can't live without the person, but because you don't want to. Another big thing was how there are no rules to marriage. Some people need lots of boundaries, some need none, some constant validation, and some just need comfort. There's no right or wrong way about it. Like Grams, in the book gives Lauren a talk about how she could have found herself and done this self-discovery period with Ryan by her side. But she didn't. Both would have worked, but in her situation, separation was needed.
Now I realize this review sounds very much like an English or Philosophy essay, but I don't care. I did really enjoy this book. All the characters had their irks, and ticks that made them special and more likable. Now go read this book.
Quotes
"I wanted then and there to be here and now"
"Ryan and I are to people who used to be in love.
What a beautiful thing to have been.
What a sad thing to be."
"But just because something is understandable doesn't mean it's the right thing to do"
"Sometimes people do things because they are furious or because they are upset or because they are out for blood. And those things hurt. But what hurts the most is when someone does something out of apathy."
"Maybe needing someone isn't about being able to do it without them. Maybe needing someone is about it being easier if they are by your side."
"Big gestures are easy. Making fun of someone who's just trying to help you, that's family."